There's a saying that Ellen DeGeneres said and it literally stuck in my head , i.e "to be loved is good but its more profound to be understood ", I find these words to be very true .
In any case the year is almost over & its been a roller coaster of a year for me both emotionally , spiritually, growth wise in my field of work & love wise . The lessons just never end , challenges & disappointments are just a part of life & nobody can avoid those no matter how kind hearted /genuine you are .
In opening up my heart to love again , I realised that saying your open minded & literally being open minded are two different things , and that sometimes the very same folks who claim to be full filled & happy are very insecure , not sure of themselves or what they want , but still we all strive to find that one person who will complement us , love & just be there as a lover & a friend ,
The irony in me writing this is that I fell very hard for someone & dint even plan on it , it happened so fast that the moment I realised I was in love , it also hit me that I am totally fucked!!! . The weird thing about truly loving someone is that you want the best for that person , you want to share your desires , your weaknesses , your strengths , your dreams , your plans with that person, weird jokes & moments , but mostly share the same ambitions , goals & values .
As they always say a relationship is a two way street , one person may give a little bit more than the other but still there must be good communication, compromise , effort made & meeting each other in the middle , when nun of that exists it becomes hard to keep things afloat & move in the right direction . Men are really not the same , as in some cultures like for example German men , they really see women as equals & the men are not as expressive when it comes to showing a woman how they feel , where else in SA men are very straight forward & some (not all ) don't mind expressing their feelings, so it all comes down to culture , environment , education , as again no matter how open minded a person can claim to be , when it comes to love that all falls away if you cant express your emotions & let yourself be vulnerable to the one you love .
I had to make the hardest decision of my life a few weeks ago , and also remember the promise I made to myself i.e I will not settle nor sell myself short , I deserve better, I deserve love , I deserve happiness after all the losses in my life & its important to show love to myself when another spirit fails to recognise that I am gold , not bronze but GOLD .
Its very crazy how as women we are brought up to achieve things but always hold being married , having kids & keeping a man as the highest achievement , if you really think about it ,its bullshit , happiness cannot be measured, as its different for everyone , the only common thing we all have as humans is we all want to be loved & understood .
On the flip side in 2017 , as a proud single woman I will be travelling to Italy , Switzerland and Paris , to say its a dream come true will be an understatement , as its been a long time coming and to be finally doing it feels amazing and the timing is perfect . I cannot wait to meet different people , see the different cultures ,inhale new air, eat , drink and be the weirdo that I am & not be judged .
Cheers to 2017 & doing what feels right for myself!!!
Love
Brenda
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