Dear Love

We have always had a bittersweet relationship , which conflicted with logic and agreed with the heart , I never understood you, yet I constantly yearned for you . Dear love , I know you and pain are best friends on the down low , I wish you could terminate that toxic relationship, as its the main thing that separates you and me . 

Dear love , I long for the warmness you bring my being , your openness to the unknown , your embrace that makes me feel like I belong , your understanding nature that fills my heart with joy , hope & patience , but then I recall the pain you also brought in me being open and trusting towards you , you shamed me , kicked me when I was down like a broken toy , made me question the notion of faithfulness and trust , you killed every belief one by one with every heartbreak , let down & disappointment .

Dear love , you are wicked in your ways , misleading and deceitful in the way you operate , you hate the mind as you know it will reason better , your dreamy hopes always bring tears and create bitter experiences once you have made your presence felt . Dear love , your lies flow better than African waterfalls , your words are smoke & mirrors of betrayal , yet I still yearn for you sometimes .

Dear love , you so close to my heart , but far away from my mind , I wish we could be friends even though conflict & contradictions tear us apart , I wish we could come to an understanding ....some kind of bargain or verbal agreement , I know you want me to flip over to your believes but I am too fragile to be naive .

Dear love , I write this with a heart that's darkened and torn to pieces , I hope you will understand my position and my ideologies , your delusional and I am practical and realistic , truth is I know one day you will attack full force , but until that day , I ask that you play fair & not fuck with me again .

Kind Regards

Phindile .

Beautiful Magic

Its been a minute since I read a book that I could relate to in terms of personal growth, rebooting my mind set  and refreshing my business sense , as a woman who has never fit in anywhere but always strive to do better and be better , I think Sophia Amaruso broke it down for me in a relatable way in her book #GIRLBOSS , all women should read this book in my opinion ( yeah free advertisement right there ...!!)

This damn book got me thinking and seeing beyond fearful thoughts , one I am firm believer in miracles , and that's because I have experienced a few miracles in my life , mixed with a little bit of beautiful magic, be it in forgiving those who have hurt me the worst or clinging on to a relationship that was not meant to be , I always say that god will take away things that are not meant to be in your life , even though you will forcefully cling on , sooner or later you will realise that it was for the best that certain things dint work out , as its gods way of protecting us from our unguided human nature vibes , hence beautiful magic is necessary .

My radar of being able to detect bullshit has always been on point , when I ignore it the end result tend to be disappointing , I end up in tears consoling myself from a situation I could have avoided had I followed my instinct or should I say listened to my bullshit radar . In #GirlBoss the author noted how it is important to make decisions fearlessly and to have faith in yourself when all bets are off , I could relate to that wholeheartedly, as all my life I had to bet on myself , look out for me , envision shit & make it happen irregardless of any negative back talk hence I loved reading this book .

Embracing new mentalities, taking risks is a definite must that goes along with progression , letting go of folks who want to change your rhythm is also a must , as at the end only you can walk your path . Trevor Noah hinted a core point in his book as well that young black South Africans should take in , i.e only you have the power to define your destiny , if you let others define your destiny , then that's on you!

Reading Trevor's book " Born a Crime" , was like revisiting my own childhood , recalling how difficult & stubborn I was as a child , looking back I really don't know how my mom managed to handle me ( thank the Lord she was a Cancerian & a loving person naturally!!), as if I was her back then , I would have abandoned ship....period!

Life is hard , being an adult , being a parent , being a wife , being a good friend etc..., all this shit doesn't come with a manual and secretively I think most folks wish it did but it doesn't .

Beautiful magic always presents itself silently , as no matter what life throws at me , no matter the planned or unplanned changes , I always keep it positive , I always find the strength within me to not give up , keep my head up and keep it moving, all this I indirectly learned from my mom , because she was a strong , self motivated woman , who loved her kids with all her heart .

I am the woman that I am because of my efforts but mostly because of my mom "Lindi Elinah Mahlangu " , I am my mothers daughter (with a bit of a rebellious side..) , and I am proud of that , she might not be alive but her spirit lives on in me forever.

Hope your proud Mom, mcwaaaaaaa!!!

Happy Women's Month to all the beautiful women in SA!!

Love

Phindile .