Spirit

It flows in and out of me, the mind is an asset, the heart the strongest muscle, faith allows you to believe in the unknown, unhealthy love cages the soul & encourages cynicism. It flows in and out of me ,the spirit that refuses to be boxed into conformity. Listen to your feelings, as they will never mislead you in the mist of darkness, the wise say, it flows in and out of me, my mother’s spirit , my grandfather’s sacrifices , my brother’s unmet dreams .

I do the rain dance in my mind all the time, judgement comes with every decision, attachments are bad when exploring new paths, friendships reflect their true strength when the storm hits. It flows in & out of me, that will power I learned as a teenager. The grass never stops growing even when it’s continuously chopped off, hence determination needs to be a constant force within, it flows in & out of me , the light that shines so bright even when surrounded by diabolical beings.

It flows in & out of me, the openness to try my best everyday, to let my heart feel the fear, taste anxiety , acknowledge disappointment, then rise above it . It flows in & out of me, like that priceless feeling one gets when their baby talks for the very first time.

Misdirected perceptions can be corrected, being stubborn about your vision is compulsory ,it flows in & out of me, to be thankful for life & to refuse to fail .

As the saying goes “ I come as one but I stand as ten thousand”# Maya Angelou

Love

Phindile

Political Betrayals

Where do I begin, I cannot stress this enough i.e I am not a political person!, I am just an observant citizen who cannot keep her opinions to herself . In the words of Maya Angelou … “Up from a past that’s rooted in pain, I rise!!!”, this saying to me summarises our country’s political history.

The way things are currently unfolding in the political scene in SA, it’s hard to be objective, positive and not be emotional. It puzzles me that one man can be so hard headed, narcissistic and not have a caring bone in his body , also how much of an influence does he have ?let me rephrase , how many people are on this corruption wagon with him ?? , as it’s evident that if he goes down, a lot of individuals will go down with him hence this dance that is prolonging any form of change.

I was born in this country , I love my country , I love my people even though they can be a headache to work with , deal with & understand most times , but I love my people . I struggle to understand how can all these old/middle age folks in parliament not create /formulate laws that empower our people , laws that force these white owned companies to play fair when it comes to employment, laws that don’t allow European companies to do as they wish or dictate part of our economy . I struggle to understand this “self – enrichment” attitude that most folks who work in parliament/for government departments have. How can things go from almost progression to worse between 2008 till now?? , what was the point of all the blood loss in the past?? What was the point I constantly ask myself??

They say the secret ingredient is always love , right about now confusion , hate , bottled up racial tensions between political parties and citizens seem to rule . In my eyes there is no political party that genuinely cares about the progression of this country because the name of the game is always “self-enrichment”. It saddens me that the leading party has allowed one person to drag our economy, our country’s dignity and our self-pride as a people down like this. One can even argue that how can you expect the very same folks who are corrupt and motivated by empowering only themselves at the expense of others to care about formulating fair laws when themselves fail to adhere to the simplest form of laws .

I personally don’t appreciate what’s happening, the leading party does not understand the bad impact it’s feeding, I have my own personal anxiety related to my own issues, building a small business from the ground with nothing but my will, the last thing I need is to constantly listen to self-centred BNs who only care about fattening their pockets and families with Tax money .

I always say ….Politicians are like that Ex-boyfriend whom you know is going to mistreat you, but you keep taking them back because you have shared history.

It’s time to cut the cord.  

Dazed & Confused.

Phindile .

Sacrifices

The thing about reading someone else’s life story is that it gives you a true sense of who they are and a more profound understanding of where they come from , why they think the way they think or act the way they do , what they value ,what drives them and more importantly what’s dearest to them . Winnie Mandela A life, ooh man this book cuts deep for me & validates the saying “Love is not without sacrifices and losses” . I am actually annoyed with myself for not reading this book sooner but then again, as we all know political books can be depressing as fuck .   

The thing about sacrifices is that in the moment one might have good intentions and literally think they are doing good ,not knowing that one day that sacrifice will be lost in the mist of bad publicity and unreturned love when its due. I have the utmost respect when it comes to “uMama Winnie” for the part she played in the struggle, I mean if I was in her shoes I honest to god don’t think I would have managed . The heartbreaking thing for me is that the very same man she dedicated three decades of her life to was more concerned about his own image and political endeavours instead of working through whatever differences they had when he came out of prison. What annoys me the most is the lack of full acknowledgment ,appreciation and respect , granted Mandela was a gugu gaga saint in our eyes , but he was not the perfect husband nor was uMama Winnie a perfect woman but still she deserved way more , way more hence this love story cuts like a butchers knife to the heart for me .

Sacrifices are a bitch sometimes if you ask me, like I cannot help but be mad for uMama Winnie even though it’s pointless and not my love story but still, I can imagine her pain , her losses throughout the decades , her anger at how the apartheid system stole her life in a way , how the struggle itself robbed her of a normal family and mostly I can imagine her pain when her divorce was finalized and had to watch an even younger woman from another country wed Madiba , see that’s another level of pain no one can anticipate nor prepare for ,this love story just cuts deep for me , politics aside for a second uMkhulu was a BAN, period!

I once read a line from a book, the comment made was “Europeans are taught to understand their own history, while Africans read through history and move on without fully understanding how history has a direct impact on how things are now in this continent of ours. If I was uMama Winnie , I would be mad as a mother fucker….period!!, because at the end of the day ,she was screwed , sacrifices and all , Mandela played her and played her well . The aftermath of how this love story ends really bothers me because it validates four things , 1. even the most kind hearted man can be an asshole , 2. men will love you up until they no longer have any use for you, then simply replace you when it suits them , 3. Nothing fucks you harder than time ( Game of Thrones line ) , 4. Marriage is not for everyone .

Mamu Winnie’s love story sucks & hurts all at once, what I do take away though is that black women are strong and can withstand anything , even in the most unpleasant circumstances , Mamu Winnie is my hero period, mistakes & all , at the end of the day no one can re-write history but one can learn from it .

Jah Bless

Phindile