What is your
attitude
It all
starts with an act of kindness, I am firm believer that if you do something for
someone, do not make it a point that if they fuck up now and again you
constantly remind them of how much you have helped them out in life, ..thing is
when you do something from the goodness of your heart you will not need any
recognition or except someone to suck up to you just because you helped them
out , but reality is people do . They say attitude and how you respond to people
in your life and the things that happen to you in general says a lot about the
kind of person you are.
I had the
pleasures of dealing with the folks that work for Government in the past couple
of weeks and I swear half the time I could feel my heart pumping and my feast
ready to punch something (being that I am not the most patient person when it
comes to putting up with crapy attitudes) but the experience itself made me
take a look in the mirrow and question my attitude towards others, for example ..my
old friends, my not by choice family, co-workers acqauintances , new friends and lastly how I am
dealing with my grief. I must say this was one of the toughest thing I had to
come face to face with and ask myself if do I have a bad attitude most times??
The answer....yes
I do!!, I can be extremely warm and kind if I feel most comfortable in someone
else’s presence and see that they are genuine beings but if at any point I sense
a bit of selfishness agenda or gugu gaga attitude I put my guard up and switch
on my protective mode attitude just in case . It would be easier to shift the
blame but I sort of made a conscious decision that I will not do that as that
would show no level of maturity or learning from my mistakes and doing better. The
moment hit home when I realised that I love spending most my time alone,
researching things I know nothing about and writting,I resent guys mentality and
the way they sometimes make the people they love feel small by justifying their
fucked up behaviours, I love to be in control when it comes to my life
(Pinklolo would say I am a control freakJ) and the people I allow in my life/space,
I am a perfectionist and I am very picky and I hate explaining myself to people
who know shit about my life, I get inspired by watching documentaries which
other folks may find weired , my point is.. in my own way I had to face the
fact that I am selfish as well sometimes or most times (but who's counting rite?), cold and rude, and get
aggressively angry when I am hurt to the point where if I shut you out , I sort
of declare you dead, so my question to myself was.. cant I try to be abit kinder
to others, less suspicious and more forgiving , spend time with those that want
to share their time with me?? ..i don’t know…,that question is still pending.
Attitude is
an internal thing, I can go on n on about guys I have met with bad gugu gaga
attitudes but it makes no difference if I am exactly like them but expect them
to treat me differently, as the saying goes *its quickly to read a person’s attitude
who possess the same charactoristics that you try to hide*. Fact is my attitude is a
work in progress and I have promised myself that regardless of lifes hardships ,
I will work on it and make it a positive one towards myself and others.
love
Switdifferent.
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