Individualism
I still recall how supportive my grandfather was to me as a
child and teenager, needless to say that he always made me feel like I really
can do whatever I want even with limited opportunities . We were not poor nor rich just had enough to get by, boy do I miss his love and presence in my life
as a woman now , as I think he believed in me more back then than I realised .
I went to the Joburg Arts alive last week , complements
of my cuzzo Nathi , who was gracious enough to invite me as he knows I love these sort of events ,
anyway AWESOME performances , AWESOME
poetry , all in all it was an amazing
event . While at the event I had an epiphany
as Lebo Mashile was doing her thing on
stage and dropped this line “ its hard being a woman with tits in Joburg “ and I
couldn’t help but press a rewind button in my mind and fast forward to now … and my future .
It is hard being an individual and a woman anywhere
I think , the fact that no matter
how much you achieve as a woman , old
folks still think that the highest level / success a woman can attain is to get married and have kids , I totally disagree with that
notion which also made me think if I had a little sister or god daughter what I would tell her would be the direct opposite of what my grandmother
and her sisters told my mom and her cousins .
Life really is an interesting journey , a journey that will
test you , make you cry sooo hard , hate the thought of living , love sooo hard
, loose love, learn and amaze yourself , fail sometimes and conquer when god
sees fit . All individuals go through
this shit , some at an early age and some at a later stage …as they say "there’s no guarantee in this life" ,
but back to the point that I wanted to make , that is young girls and women are
fed wrong perceptions about life and their own capabilities , I will be the first to admit that yes there are certain things which I strongly believe
that men should do and women shouldn’t ..e.g
..changing a car tyre ( that’s a man’s job and
I am totally fine with admitting that aloud, so moving on… ) , minus that though a woman is unfairly judged if she
points out that she does not want kids nor has any intentions of getting married , instead
she would like to explore life , push her career and travel as
she sees fit and just be.. , if a man was to say the very same thing , he would be envied
by a lot of men ( e.g the same men who worship George Clooney for his unstable love life and the traditionalists who want to have ten wives ...I could go on really )
Times have changed but mentalities have not and I am proud
that I was raised by a strong Ndebele man ,my grandfather Lucas Mavula Mahlangu , who empowered
me to trust myself , believe in myself, do what I want ,never apologise for my
life choices , not depend on any man for anything that I can do myself , fear
god and always remember to be grateful .
My grandfather played the most important role any man can ever play in my life and
I learned from him that self love you practice its not a moment thing that you
just say but don’t do , it pains me to see
how all women are painted as gold diggers , who are after a comfortable
life but don’t want to do shit , not all women are like that , I have been
around strong women , women who handle shit
and handle crises like no other
man can.
We all individuals with different capabilities but the point
is we are all capable and strong enough to carry ourselves through
life and achieve our life goals (man or woman ) . The one thing that I have
come to realise is that most men think all women are naïve when it comes to love , if they pull the I am in love with
you card all will work itself out , "speaking for myself " comfort
and security (that I can provide for myself )come first , love comes second as fact of the matter is love
does not pay the bills and that’s a fucken
fact in my opinion!!!
I wish young girls would
stop being so dependent on the idea of a
perfect relationships and a perfect marriage
as there is no such in this life , all
things succeed based on how committed and hard working the individuals involved are period .
I have learned that the
more you choose to rely on yourself for things, the easier it is to let go of
people who don’t shit for you anyway .
Love
Brenda
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