Untitled
I have never been
the kind of person who uses people to get ahead nor will I ever be, it’s just
not who I am by nature, I would rather take the long way than the short way,
hence it was disappointing to find myself insulted by a person I respected
& whom I thought actually had a caring heart, but in actual fact is like
any other privileged person.
An old man once
said to me that "you make your own luck in this life “, that’s very true
but a lot of elements and experiences can hinder that belief, as one gets older
and gets sucked up in political and racial debates that will never end nor
benefit anyone, be it in the states or SA, the old systems were initially
designed to benefit certain cultures and neglect others or put them at ground level.
These past few
months ,I have been having an internal battle about a lot of things , first my
career , my current job, the chance of me losing my job , my relationships , my
health, spending more time with my grandmother before she dies , our country’s situation , but mostly our greedy President
who solely cares about himself , his family and taking away from his own people
. I don’t come from a privileged family nor had access to the best things while
growing up, all I had was a hard working mom who did her best in raising both
me and my brother at the time , fast forward I worked my ass off from the
bottom to where I am today , tolerated unfair attitudes and treatments within
the private sector , so it pains me to see a black old man , who has been given
authority to be President by his own people yet treating those same people with
no respect nor care , it breaks my heart to the point of sobbing .
The funny thing
about being South African is that we are not financially free nor psychologically
free , as majority of the people living in this country are people of colour,
yet 80% of this country's wealth is controlled by white corporates and white middle age men if not old that have
investments overseas /offshore accounts , can afford to take vacations 4 times
in one year, live in plots , own vineyards in Cape Town, own farms, live in
their big houses and their kids have access to everything and will never ever
have to experience any form of not having access to what they want . The very
same people will tell a person who has a lot of experience and a qualification
in their field that they are not experience enough & should prove
themselves before earning certain amount of money . They will tell you how you
should act yet at the same time play a psychotic game with you and tell you
" oooh you should be who you are, but when you are being your true self,
you have an attitude problem and negative vibes"..., On the flip side you
will have a white person with no experience nor level of passion or qualification,
with a bad nun caring attitude earning
twice as you just because of the colour of their skin. The education system is
sooo fucked up and inaccessible to so many intelligent kids who will never know
or get to uncover their own brilliance.
Our president and
the political party that rules SA suffer from memory loss, being stuck in a
time zone, being obsessed with filling up their own pockets, empowering their
own families and neglecting the rest of SA's families, I get so angry and
emotional when I talk about this shit because it baffles me…., How on earth can
a political party that fought for this country's freedom, be the same party
that might be responsible for its downfall, its worrying as fuck to me.
It just feels like
nobody cares, all these political parties do not care about the common man who
earns an average salary and works hard to survive. All these parties care about
is using the race card to keep the people of this country from moving forward .
Then you have
folks who are born entitled and thinking that they are superior and are
not interested in the progression of this country yet live in this country ,
but all they care about is protecting their privileged status .The big question
is, who will lead us ?? who is the right person who will lead us , do
away with corruption and all this racial anxiety we carry and try to suppress
on a daily basis , fact is ,we are still
a healing nation that needs to integrate all these cultures and differences that we have .
As you get older
experiences teach you better even though some scar you for life. I have learned that hard work alone will never be enough in this society we live in now and
having one source of income can be stressful as fuck, and that being an entrepreneur
is more crucial and a need than a want, I have realised that people with money
use that power to control people who need that money . They manipulate
situations to benefit themselves and are very pretentious, weak and insecure at
their core.
I ask myself this
hard question , seeing that the bus starts and stops with me , what am I going
to do if I lose my job tomorrow ?? What will I do?? , sometimes you have to be
brutally honest with yourself and never get comfortable, ever ...., as my
Mother would say ..." if you don’t
own something, then you have no right to call it your own nor can you benefit
from it ".
Reality is a bitch
but one needs to plan ahead and always prepare for the worst when you are a
single working woman, as unsettling feelings make it hard to sleep at night.
What I do know is
that things happen as they should, our country's political situation will work
out as it should, on my personal battle I know that I have to initiate the
change within myself and create more options for myself of making money and
move away from spirits who think they can play god and use fear to manipulate
me or try to control me.
I will hold on to
who I am even though being in the private sector can be brutal on one’s spirit and challenging as fuck , but I
know who I am , where I come from , I will dance with fear like it’s my best
friend , but I will not sell my soul to make somebody else feel better about
themselves , (Hell on earth NO!!)
Love
Phindile.
