Pieces of my life experiences , the ups and downs of being an African woman.

I pulled my heart out of my chest

 

Bells in my head go off , my stomach feels peeved , dry as if starvation invaded it a month ago , I pulled my heart out of my chest as reality hit my mind more than I could handle  , I fell in love all over again , opened up a door  I thought was closed . I pulled my heart out of my chest as the waters of my being glowed inside me with  bliss and I felt like a tree shaped upside down , my insides burning before my spiritual eyes , I pulled my heart out of my chest ,as my emotions had a pity party.

 

I pulled my heart out of my chest , as I uncontrollably gave my heart away to  a spirit who gave his heart  and full being  to another spirit, I pulled my heart out of my chest as my efforts seemed pointless , my love  never  felt  strong enough to rebuild what has been broken , my sacred place ….the place I had in his heart had been tarnished and brutally smashed by the harsh realities of life , love and misleading words . I pulled my heart out of my chest as I watched the love of my life doubt his feelings for me.

 

I pulled my heart out of my chest  as yet again I am at war with time and past hurts I cannot wipe clean, the promises made never kept ,the feeling unworthy , the fear that breathes within one’s mentality, the misinterpretation of words that never seem to come out right, the emotional connection that distance only strengthens , I pulled my heart out of my chest  as I repeatedly replay  how different  things could have been  had  I knew you first , kissed you first, indulged first ,giggled with you first , planned with you first , I pulled my heart out of my chest as the pain overpowers my body  and I loose site of the present  .

 

I pulled my heart out of my chest, as I am searching for tears within my broken hope and wishful thinking, I knew , from the first time we met, I knew but shied away from the love connection ,damn how I was on some high…, I pulled my heart out of my chest  as I realise that being in love and showing love are two different things , that compromise is always the glue  and mistakes should be forgiven . I pulled my heart out of my chest as I lost sight of you.

 

I pulled my heart out of my chest ,as  it dawned on me that you cannot always have what you want  but sometimes it’s good to have what you need  even if it doesn’t  make any logical sense to the heart.

I pulled my heart out of my chest as I  realised that I was  just an experience to you.

I ll put  the pieces of my heart back together as I finally  got an answer to my childlike bittersweet fairy tale love story.

 

Word

Brenda.