To my GJ
The worst
was actually realising that I can be
heartless/rude when pushed or
rubbed the wrong way and that I can be seriously vulnerable ( which I hate as
that to me it’s a moment of weakness which some assholes must never see, but
this is not about that .. so moving
on ) . In the mist of all this I also
had a moment of sadness and a sense of loss ( more like a big whole in my heart), as I
always make it a point to reflect on my life and see if there is any progress
or I am just circling around the same
place , I get bored quickly and loose interest very fast , so to keep myself
awake an interested I figured I dig deep and challenge myself to bigger
conquests and see if God will help me
through .
I always say
that god has a weird sense of humour and that is not a joke !!, like literally
, I would high five him every day for the way he has carried me through life ,
through hardships , through rejection , through breakthroughs and heartbreaks, to me there is no better
friendship I would rather have , yes I
am a hip hop head , I curse aloooooot (
not well mannered )and can be gugu gaga most times but that doesn’t mean I am not spiritual or
religious .
There are
many connections we make in this life , some are forever, some we miss and some
we misread , some connections are just
plain disconnections , some are just a spare of a moment thing , some will remain forever priceless and plain
hilarious . The fact is as a passionate being I made a lot of mistakes this
year but luckily I always prefer the truth , hurtful and unbearable as it is ,
I always prefer the truth and god made
sure that I practiced what I preached ( like damit…flipin hell moment!!) . The
best though was being welcomed in the de Sousa household , I will never forget
that and it was just priceless and it
felt good to have a friend who got me when I needed help the most ( I will
never forget that Mbali) and I must say I have two Portuguese brothers now
which I love J.
New chapter
in my life which had me smiling and just lost for words but also leaving me
very exhausted and still recovering , but I wouldn’t change anything and its
true what they say that if you allow god into your heart he truly can make your
dreams come true and be your mother , your father and your best friend . I hate
the holidays but this year I am looking forward to cooking for my grandmother while she is still alive, a
few road trips with Simon and Mo , good laughs with B and her new baby , finish reading a few
books, decorating my home and having a few chilled hip hop sessions with crazy
spirits and maybe jumping off something …will see J .
As I am
listening to Sam Smith ‘s album and
writing this and trying not to cry as I have never felt such joy and sadness at
the same damn time its ridiculous , I have to say that 2014 has been very weird
, emotionally rocky , challenging , financially draining, full of blessings ,
eye opening ( i.e excepting that I too
can be very…… very wrong at times and that’s ok ) , fell in love and very quickly
fell out of love, had my ego smashed to
the wall , but picked it up and kept moving , realised that I deserve much
better and will keep working towards that , lastly I now know that he never
left me , he was always there , through it all.
I love you GOD you might not be cool but
you’re the best to me..( just to put it out there..)
Love
Brenda Mahlangu
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