Dear God
Its been two
weeks , my heart is still heavy with pain and hurt , if I could turn the clock
I would but reality is I cant , I am left with the demons as it dawns on me
that we live in the world were love is no longer practiced, were are a self
obsessed people, no time to help the next person unless were are getting
something in return or we are being recognised in some way, not compassionate
at all ,don’t have time to be real with ourselves , its all about money and
power and neglecting the little things and not acknowledging God ‘s presence in
our lives .
Left with
the demons that run deep in my veins, how can something like this happen to me
but then again if it doesn’t happen to me who should it happen to??, the school
of life is hard and blood is not thicker than water ,as I have come to learn
that the very same people who are suppose to shelter you sometimes turn out to
be the ones that hurt you the worst. The thing about pain is you can either be
bitter from it or you can allow it to teach you to be more compassionate and
less judgmental towards others. I am left with the demons as I struggle to
digest the fact that my little brother killed himself, how frustrated, unloved
and unimportant did he feel for him to do this to himself I question myself,
fact is much as he had his own life choices I am still his sister and the pain
I feel from this I cannot put into words nor explain it, I loved him but
somehow his own demons overpowered him to feel unloved and unwanted.
Left with
the demons as I try not to fall apart and lose my mind in grief ,yesterday I wept
till I ran out of tears ,I wept till I could feel my body shake uncontrollably
and I asked god what lesson am I suppose to learn from this ,as all I feel is
guilt ,anger , confusion and I cant seem to grasp the reality of my
circumstances , that’s why sometimes for me its better to shy away and not talk
just write and somehow I ll find my peace and sense of calmness without being a
burden to anyone ,as folks don’t like baggage and reality is there is no way
around pain and loss of a loved one , there just isn’t.
Left with
the demons as I sit alone in my room and pray for guidance ,faith and patience,
I choose to not be my circumstances ,I choose to stand firm in your promise God
though right at this moment I don’t understand and I am angry at you , but your
all I have and I trust that you know
best, so I will rest in your arms no matter what.
Amen.
Love –
Switdifferent
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