Silliness
The silliness
of this need is unberable, I miss calling you by your name , irritating you and
getting on your nurves till you call me crazy , the warmth of your big arms, it’s
all in the silliness of how I felt connected to you,the small gestures ,the
weired conversations that were one sided
then turn into a full blown miscommunication ,the butterfly’s that would fly in
my stomach when i would stare at your picture, the genuine portrait my artist
counterpart painted of you and me having our own alien world .It’s in the silliness
of how much of me I saw in you and your walls were nothing but past hurt making
you more scared of feeling your own emotions , coldness takes over so that no
one can attempt to get closer to you , arrogance and your selfcentred nature
kept you safe from the real world as beings like that are hard to get along
with . Its all in the silliness of how much I understood you yet all you wanted
was to just put me in a box and classify me according to your perception.
Pick a boo
as you brought out the freaky side of me I never knew I had in a time when I
felt alone, conflicted and had a lot of personal issues going wrong , you were
my happy escape and I felt safe with you having your own skwatta camp in my heart
without me agreeing to it. It’s all in the silliness of how I couldn’t play
pretence with you , but needed you more than I led on , I still need you but my
stubborn side and the realistic part of me knows that you could care less about
how I feel nor acknowledging me as a person not some shallow cow you just had
an experience with and moving on with your life as if nothing happened . Its
all in the silliness of closing the chapter that I started by force without
knowing I ll end up falling in love with you .Winter has a way of overstaying
its visit in my life and I have a way of holding on to things that I know I
should part with. I can’t blame nor hate you as I brought this on to myself and
having a pity party wont help me either but saying it out loud to myself and excepting
that I made another human error when it comes to your charactor , even though
my heart doesn’t agree but I choose logic this time around so as to not dwell
on something that has no substance.
It’s all in
the silliness of how much you inspired me in a strange way and how I would all
of sudden have this urge to want to share what was on my mind , what I loved
with you, yet you had a way of making me feel like thin air and that hurt ,I
guess it all comes from being shallow and not respecting women but only seeing
them as disposable objects , being a loaded control freak does that to a lot of
men and I guess you’re no exception to the rule. Its all in the silliness of
how I allowed myself to get lost in a nun existent love juice, as your
intelligence ,secretive, mysterious eyes, your gugu gaga way of seeing things
was intriguing to me and that attracted
me to you even more , not knowing that
you only care about you, money and you.
It’s all in
the silliness of missing you still and not knowing what to do with these
feelings but the fact that you don’t give a shit , its reason enough to also
not acknowledge you anymore and shut down the skwatta camp you have in my
heart.
Love
SwitdifferentJ!!
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